Awaken the Giant Within
Awaken the Giant Within

Awaken the Giant Within

One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. (Location 249)

Tags: focus

I believe most people fail in life simply because they major in minor things. (Location 251)

Tags: quotes, priotitise

For changes to be of any true value, they’ve got to be lasting and consistent. (Location 287)

Tags: change

Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. (Location 298)

Tags: standards, change

We must develop a sense of certainty that we can and will meet the new standards before we actually do. (Location 312)

Tags: standards

best strategy in almost any case is to find a role-model, someone who’s already getting the results you want, and then tap into their knowledge. (Location 322)

Tags: role model

Learn what they’re doing, what their core beliefs are, and how they think. Not only will this make you more effective, it will also save you a huge amount of time because you won’t have to reinvent the wheel. (Location 323)

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. (Location 328)

five areas of life that I believe impact us most. (Location 336)

Emotional Mastery (Location 337)

Too many of us leave ourselves at the mercy of outside events over which we may have no control, failing to take charge of our emotions—over which we have all the control—and relying instead on short-term quick fixes. (Location 342)

“digging our graves with our teeth” (Location 355)

Tags: food, quotes

Relationship Mastery (Location 359)

relationships—romantic, family, business, and social. (Location 360)

Financial Mastery (Location 367)

Time Mastery (Location 379)

most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year—and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade! (Location 386)

“How am I going to live the next ten years of my life? How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to? What am I going to stand for from now on? (Location 434)

The difference in the results that people produce comes down to what they’ve done differently from others in the same situations. Different actions produce different results. (Location 452)

the most powerful way to shape our lives is to get ourselves to take action. (Location 452)

actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently. (Location 456)

Everything that happens in your life—both what you’re thrilled with and what you’re challenged by—began with a decision. I believe that it’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. (Location 459)

Tags: choices

Note: Your decisions shape your destiny

believe it’s our decisions, not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny. (Location 473)

Note: Our decisions determine our destiny

If you don’t make decisions about how you’re going to live, then you’ve already made a decision, haven’t you? You’re making a decision to be directed by the environment instead of shaping your own destiny. (Location 478)

Tags: choices, favorite

Note: If you don’t decide how you would like to life your life you are deciding to live your life as directed by your environment

If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in your life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve. (Location 493)

You must know that you can make a new decision right now that will immediately change your life—a decision about a habit you’ll change or a skill that you’ll master, or how you’ll treat people, or a call that you’ll now make to someone you haven’t spoken to in years. (Location 519)

Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision. (Location 527)

Rosa Parks, who one day in 1955 stepped onto a bus in Montgomery, Alabama, and refused to give up her seat to a white person as she was legally required to do. Her one quiet act of civil disobedience sparked a firestorm of controversy and became a symbol for generations to follow. (Location 545)

“The Ultimate Success Formula,” which is an elementary process for getting you where you want to go: 1) Decide what you want, 2) Take action, 3) Notice what’s working or not, and 4) Change your approach until you achieve what you want. (Location 567)

Instead of making decisions, we keep stating preferences. (Location 578)

The way to make better decisions is to make more of them. (Location 589)

Note: Make better decisions by making more decisions

Then make sure you learn from each one, including those that don’t seem to work out in the short term: (Location 590)

Information is power when it’s acted upon, (Location 595)

one of my criteria for a true decision is that action flows from it. (Location 595)

repetition is the mother of skill. (Location 599)

profound knowledge is any simple distinction, strategy, belief, skill, or tool that, the minute we understand it, we can apply it to make immediate increases in the quality of our lives. (Location 607)

The three decisions that control your destiny are: 1. Your decisions about what to focus on. 2. Your decisions about what things mean to you. 3. Your decisions about what to do to create the results you desire. (Location 616)

Tags: decisions

it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny. (Location 619)

It’s likely that whatever challenges you have in your life currently could have been avoided by some better decisions upstream. (Location 636)

Tags: decisions

We don’t have to allow the programming of our past to control our present and future. (Location 658)

Note: Dont let you past have total control over your future

With this book, you can reinvent yourself by systematically organizing your beliefs and values in a way that pulls you in the direction of your life’s design. (Location 659)

“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” —THOMAS EDISON (Location 660)

have determined that no matter what decisions I make, I’ll be flexible, look at the consequences, learn from them, and use those lessons to make better decisions in the future. (Location 665)

Note: Make decisions and learn from the outcome

Remember: Success truly is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience, and experience is often the result of bad judgment! (Location 667)

Tags: favorite

As important as personal experience is, think how invaluable it is to have a role model as well—someone who’s navigated the rapids before you and has a good map for you to follow. (Location 670)

Tags: experiences, role model

One of the most important decisions you can make to ensure your long-term happiness is to decide to use whatever life gives you in the moment. (Location 694)

In order to succeed, you must have a long-term focus. (Location 739)

Success and failure are not overnight experiences. It’s all the small decisions along the way that cause people to fail. It’s failure to follow up. It’s failure to take action. It’s failure to persist. (Location 740)

success is the result of making small decisions: deciding to hold yourself to a higher standard, deciding to contribute, deciding to feed your mind rather than allowing the environment to control you—these (Location 743)

Often, what seems impossible in the short term becomes very possible in the long term if you persist. (Location 778)

Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided. (Location 789)

never to leave the scene of a decision without first taking a specific action toward its realization. (Location 797)

Tags: decisiveness

Note: Take action!

Make decisions often. The more decisions you make, the better you’re going to become at making them. (Location 799)

Tags: decisiveness

Learn from your decisions. (Location 801)

PAIN and PLEASURE! Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure. (Location 867)

keep trying to change their behavior, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it. (Location 870)

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about. (Location 871)

Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine. (Location 872)

what is procrastination? It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it. Why not? The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off. (Location 874)

“A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” —SENECA (Location 879)

For most people, the fear of loss is much greater than the desire for gain. (Location 888)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t life controls you.” (Location 892)

Of course, there are many levels of pain and pleasure. For example, feeling a sense of humiliation is a rather intense form of emotional pain. Feeling a sense of inconvenience is also pain. So is boredom. (Location 905)

The most important lesson we learn in life is what creates pain for us and what creates pleasure. (Location 923)


One decision that has made a tremendous difference in the quality of my life is that at an early age I began to link incredible pleasure to learning. I realized that discovering ideas and strategies that could help me to shape human behavior and emotion could give me virtually everything I wanted in my life. (Location 942)

Tags: learning, favorite

Note: Link pleasure to learning

if we link massive pain to any behavior or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs. We can use this understanding to harness the force of pain and pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives, (Location 990)

Let’s say, for example, you want to keep your children off drugs. The time to reach them is before they experiment and before someone else teaches them the false association that drugs equal pleasure. (Location 992)

But if we fail to direct our own associations to pain and pleasure, we’re living no better than animals or machines, (Location 1020)

what drives our behavior is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation. (Location 1034)

People who are fit and healthy believe that nothing tastes as good as thin feels! And they love foods that nourish them. In fact, they often link pleasure to pushing the plate away with food still on it. It symbolizes to them that they’re in control of their lives. (Location 1046)

The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors. (Location 1048)

any time we’re in an intense emotional state, when we’re feeling strong sensations of pain or pleasure, anything unique that occurs consistently will become neurologically linked. (Location 1065)

First, Pepsi used Michael Jackson to get us in a peak emotional state. Then, at that precise moment, they flashed the product. (Location 1072)

people do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. (Location 1118)

Simply by linking pain to the behaviors we want to stop at such a high level of emotional intensity that we won’t even consider those behaviors any longer. (Location 1128)

simply link pleasure to the new behavior you desire for yourself. (Location 1131)

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.” —MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE (Location 1136)

it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain. And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief—our sense of certainty—that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure. (Location 1142)

It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean. (Location 1278)

Beliefs are what make the difference between a lifetime of joyous contribution and one of misery and devastation. (Location 1290)

What are our beliefs designed for? They’re the guiding force to tell us what will lead to pain and what will lead to pleasure. (Location 1292)

Generalizations simplify our lives and allow us to function. (Location 1301)

generalizations in more complex areas of our lives can oversimplify and sometimes create limiting beliefs. (Location 1302)

“Drugs are not always necessary, [but] belief in recovery always is.” (Location 1346)

Most people treat a belief as if it’s a thing, when really all it is is a feeling of certainty about something. (Location 1370)

With enough emotional intensity and repetition, our nervous systems experience something as real, even if it hasn’t occurred yet. (Location 1412)

had seemed no one would ever be able to break a four-minute mile, yet within one year of Roger’s breaking the barrier, 37 other runners also broke it. (Location 1428)

And the year after that, 300 other runners did the same thing! (Location 1430)

The reason success eludes most people is that they have insufficient references of succeeding in the past. But an optimist operates with beliefs such as, “The past doesn’t equal the future.” (Location 1453)

We need to remember that how we deal with adversity and challenges will shape our lives more than almost anything else. (Location 1462)

Tags: challenges

Achievers rarely, if ever, see a problem as permanent, while those who fail see even the smallest problems as permanent. (Location 1476)

“This, too, shall pass,” and that if you keep persisting, you’ll find a way. (Location 1482)

Tags: favorite

An achiever never sees a problem as being pervasive, that is, that one problem controls their whole life. They always see it as, “Well, it’s just a little challenge with my eating pattern.” (Location 1484)

if we associate enough pain to anything, well change. (Location 1506)

The truth is, QWERTY was deliberately designed to slow down the human typist at a time when typewriter parts moved so slowly that they would jam if the operator typed too fast. (Location 1534)

Using social proof is a great way to limit your life—to make it just like everybody else’s. (Location 1609)

Tags: be different

Note: Don't limited yourself to what others are doing!

How do you know what beliefs to adopt? The answer is to find someone who’s producing the results you truly want in your life. These people are the role models who can give you some of the answers you seek. Invariably, behind all successful people lies a specific set of empowering beliefs. (Location 1639)

Tags: role model

Note: Adopt the believes of those in role models who have results similar to what you are looking to achieve

The way to expand our lives is to model the lives of those people who are already succeeding. (Location 1641)

Tags: role model

As the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer stated, all truth goes through three steps. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. (Location 1665)

constant, never-ending commitment to consistently increase the quality of their business every single day would give them the power to dominate the markets of the world. (Location 1686)

One toxic belief that may be destroying our economic strength as a nation is what Deming calls managing by the visible numbers, the conventional corporate belief that profits are made by cutting costs and increasing revenues. (Location 1716)

to succeed and be happy, we’ve got to be constantly improving the quality of our lives, constantly growing and expanding. (Location 1727)

the Japanese understand that tiny refinements made daily begin to create compounded enhancements at a level that most people would never dream (Location 1733)

The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, (Location 1752)

the best time to kill a “monster” is while it’s still little. (Location 1759)

nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give it. So make sure that you consciously choose the meanings that are most in alignment with the destiny you’ve chosen for yourself. (Location 1835)

simple technologies like Gestalt therapy, and tools of influence like Ericksonian hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. (Location 1903)

we have a set of beliefs in our culture that we need to grieve for a certain period of time. (Location 1941)

Tags: grieving

Once we effect a change, we should reinforce it immediately. Then, we have to condition our nervous systems to succeed not just once, but consistently. You (Location 1996)

NAC is a step-by-step process that can condition your nervous system to associate pleasure to those things you want to continuously move toward and pain to those things you need to avoid in order to succeed consistently in your life without constant effort or willpower. (Location 2003)

The first belief we must have if we’re going to create change quickly is that we can change now. (Location 2022)

Tags: change

Note: We can change now

First, we must believe, “Something must change”—not (Location 2035)

Second, we must not only believe that things must change, but we must believe, “I must change it.” (Location 2039)

Third, we have to believe, “I can change it.” (Location 2042)

nothing changes until we change the sensations we link to an experience in our nervous system, (Location 2057)

“The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread, but every time we repeat the act we strengthen the strand, add to it another filament, until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably, thought and act.” (Location 2186)

If you and I want to change our behavior, there is only one effective way to do it: we must link unbearable and immediate sensations of pain to our old behavior, and incredible and immediate sensations of pleasure to a new one. (Location 2188)

NAC MASTER STEP 1 Decide What You Really Want and What’s Preventing You From Having It Now. (Location 2197)

The more specific you can be about what you want, the more clarity you will have, and the more power you will command to achieve what you want more rapidly. (Location 2203)

Tags: focus

Note: Be very clear on what you want

Invariably, what’s preventing us from making the change is that we link more pain to making a change than to staying where we are. (Location 2204)

NAC MASTER STEP 2 Get Leverage: Associate Massive Pain to Not Changing Now and Massive Pleasure to the Experience of Changing Now! (Location 2207)

But change is usually not a question of capability; it’s almost always a question of motivation. (Location 2209)

The only way we’re going to make a change now is if we create a sense of urgency that’s so intense that we’re compelled to follow through. (Location 2213)

One of the things that turns virtually anyone around is reaching a pain threshold. This means experiencing pain at such an intense level that you know you must change now—a (Location 2226)

change. If you’ve tried many times to make a change and you’ve failed to do so, this simply means that the level of pain for failing to change is not intense enough. You have not reached threshold, the ultimate leverage. (Location 2250)

The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. Knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards for your life is the ultimate pain. (Location 2265)

One of the strongest forces in the human personality is the drive to preserve the integrity of our own identity. (Location 2270)

are. If you want to help somebody, you won’t access this kind of leverage by making them wrong or pointing out that they’re inconsistent, but rather by asking them questions that cause them to realize for themselves their inconsistencies. (Location 2272)

Tags: questions

Note: Ask questions to encourage self-realisation

NAC MASTER STEP 3 Interrupt the Limiting Pattern. (Location 2293)


See the situation in your mind that was bothering you so much. (Location 2395)

Take that same experience and turn it into a cartoon. (Location 2397)

Now think about the situation that was bothering you, and notice how you feel now. (Location 2405)

Why does it work? Because all of our feelings are based on the images we focus on in our minds and the sounds and sensations we link to those specific images. (Location 2409)

and the adoption of a replacement behavior appears to play a major role even in this complex field of change. (Location 2455)

external pressure rarely has a lasting impact. (Location 2457)

NAC MASTER STEP 5 Condition the New Pattern Until It’s Consistent. (Location 2468)

Remember, your brain can’t tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience. (Location 2476)

Set up a series of short-term goals, or milestones, and as you reach each one, immediately reward yourself. (Location 2487)


Any pattern of emotion or behavior that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate. (Location 2511)

Reinforcement is responding to a behavior immediately after it occurs, while punishment and reward may occur long afterward. (Location 2516)

most powerful way to motivate people is through personal development. By helping your employees to grow and expand personally, they begin to feel passionate about life, people, and their jobs. This makes them want to contribute (Location 2547)

NAC MASTER STEP 6 Test It! (Location 2616)

THE ECOLOGY CHECK 1. Make certain pain is fully associated with the old pattern. When you think of your old behavior or feelings, do you picture and feel things that are painful now instead of pleasurable? 2. Make certain pleasure is fully associated with the new pattern. When you think of your new behavior or feelings, do you picture and feel things that are pleasurable now instead of painful? (Location 2641)

Align with your values, beliefs, and rules. Is the new behavior or feeling consistent with the values, beliefs, and rules in your life? (Location 2645)

Make sure the benefits of the old pattern have been maintained. Will the new behavior or feeling still allow you to get benefits and feelings of pleasure that you used to get from the old pattern? 5. Future pace—Imagine yourself behaving in this new way in the future. Imagine the thing that would have triggered you to adopt the old pattern. Feel certain that you can use your new pattern instead of the old one. (Location 2646)

Utilize both variable and fixed schedules of reinforcement to make sure that your new, empowering pattern lasts. (Location 2651)

What it all comes down to is the fact that you want these things or results because you see them as a means to achieving certain feelings, emotions, or states that you desire. (Location 2760)

Without a doubt, everything you and I do, we do to avoid pain or gain pleasure, (Location 2766)

The difference between acting badly or brilliantly is not based on your ability, but on the state of your mind and/or body in any given moment. (Location 2775)

your behavior is not the result of your ability, but of the state that you’re in at this moment. (Location 2780)

To open up the multitude of resources that lie within you, put yourself in a state of resourcefulness and active expectancy (Location 2781)

There are two primary ways, then, to change your emotional state: by changing the way you use your physical body, or by changing your focus. (Location 2792)

Tags: emotion

Emotion is created by motion. (Location 2796)

We each have over eighty different muscles in our faces, and if these muscles get accustomed to expressing depression, boredom, or frustration, then this habitual muscular pattern literally begins to dictate our states, not to mention our physical character. (Location 2808)

Your body leads your emotions. (Location 2833)

If you really want to change your life, commit for the next seven days to spending one minute five times a day, grinning from ear to ear in the mirror. (Location 2837)

Along with your five smiles each day, make yourself laugh for no reason at all, three times each day for seven days. (Location 2844)

If you really want to improve your life, learn to laugh. (Location 2844)

the real key in life is to be able to make yourself feel good when you don’t feel good, or when you don’t even want to feel good. (Location 2858)

You and I have the capacity to make changes like this at any time. Just by changing our physiology, we can change our level of performance. (Location 2868)

Just by changing our physiology, we can change our level of performance. Our capability is always there, and what we’ve got to do is put ourselves into states where it is accessible. (Location 2869)

The key to success, then, is to create patterns of movement that create confidence, a sense of strength, flexibility, a sense of personal power, and fun. (Location 2870)

Getting old is not a matter of age; it’s a lack of movement. (Location 2872)


Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. (Location 2923)

Tags: fear, focus

Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel in the direction of your focus. (Location 2925)

Tags: focus

One thing that’s useful to know about all of this: when you change your focus, often you don’t immediately change direction. (Location 2935)

“Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Location 2945)

you must take conscious control of running your own mind. (Location 3177)

you. The first skill you must master is to be able to change your state instantly no matter what the environment, no matter how scared or frustrated you are. (Location 3179)

My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel tons of pleasure and very little pain—and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain. (Location 3186)

All that you really want in life is to change how you feel. Again, all your emotions are nothing but biochemical storms in your brain, and you are in control of them at any moment in time. (Location 3192)

Tags: emotions

The whole key here is to create a huge list of ways to make yourself feel good so you don’t need to turn to those other ways that are destructive. (Location 3240)


“It’s not the events that shape my life that determine how I feel and act, but, rather, it’s the way I interpret and evaluate my life experiences. (Location 3290)

Tags: stoicism, experiences, mindset

The meaning I attach to an event will determine the decisions I make, the actions I take, and therefore my ultimate destiny. (Location 3291)

I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions. (Location 3303)

Tags: questions

Questions are the primary way that we learn virtually anything. (Location 3314)

Quality questions create a quality life. (Location 3327)

“Some men see things as they are, and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not?’” (Location 3337)

the difference between people is the difference in the questions they ask consistently. (Location 3352)

Einstein once said, “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it’s longer than any hour. That’s relativity.” (Location 3414)

A genuine quality of life comes from consistent, quality questions. (Location 3426)

Questions immediately change what we’re focusing on and therefore how we feel. (Location 3442)

Tags: questions, questions to ask

Learning to ask empowering questions in moments of crisis is a critical skill that has pulled me through some of the toughest times in my life. (Location 3468)

“What can I learn from this situation? How can I use this situation?” (Location 3491)

So, if you’re angry, one of the best things you could ask yourself is, “How can I learn from this problem so that this never happens again?” (Location 3516)

At Ford Motor Company, retired president Donald Petersen was known for his persistent questions: “What do you think? How can your job be improved?” (Location 3553)

THE PROBLEM-SOLVING QUESTIONS 1. What is great about this problem? 2. What is not perfect yet? 3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it? 4. What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it the way I want it? 5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it? (Location 3584)

Martin Luther King, Jr., as he shared his vision, “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live the true meaning of its creed…”? (Location 3728)

Realize now the power that your words command if you simply choose them wisely. (Location 3734)

Tags: language, words

People with an impoverished vocabulary live an impoverished emotional life; people with rich vocabularies have a multi-hued palette of colors with which to paint their experience, not only for others, but for themselves as well. (Location 3741)

Tags: language

Note: A rich vocabulary can improve your experiences

“pursuit of excellence” (Location 3755)

Simply by changing your habitual vocabulary—the words you consistently use to describe the emotions of your life—you can instantaneously change how you think, how you feel, and how you live. (Location 3758)

Tags: words

Note: The words you use have a big impact on how you feel

“If you get upset, then you lose control.” “Interesting,” I thought. “What happens if you lose control?” He said matter-of-factly, “Then the other guy wins.” (Location 3777)

“Transformational Vocabulary.” (Location 3811)

This is the essence of Transformational Vocabulary: the words that we attach to our experience become our experience. (Location 3830)

Tags: newsletter, outlook

Note: The words we attach to our experiences become our experiences

English contains at least 500,000 words, and I’ve since read from other sources that the total may be closer to 750,000 words! English definitely has the largest number of words of any language on earth today, with German running a distant second, tallying roughly half the number. (Location 3853)

use, our habitual vocabulary is extremely limited. (Location 3856)

Conservatively estimating English to contain half a million words, that means we regularly use only 1/2 of 1 percent to 2 percent of the language! (Location 3857)

average person’s working vocabulary consists of only between 2,000 and 10,000 words. (Location 3857)

If we want to change our lives and shape our destiny, we need to consciously select the words we’re going to use, and we need to constantly strive to expand our level of choice. (Location 3874)

Tags: language


hearts. If an assemblage of words you’re using is creating states that disempower you, get rid of those words and replace them with those that empower you! (Location 3965)

Our new pattern is to make a joke of our disempowering feelings before they ever reach the point of our being upset—we’ve “killed the monster while it’s little.” (Location 3979)

Realize that our goal is to consistently feel less pain in our lives, and more pleasure. Mastering Transformational Vocabulary is one of the single most simple and powerful steps toward that goal. (Location 4326)

Tags: pleasure, language

If you’re in a profession where you work with people, it’s imperative that you understand the power of words to impact those around you. (Location 4347)

Whenever we explain or communicate a concept by likening it to something else, we are using a metaphor. (Location 4386)

Tags: metaphor

distilled complex ideas into simple images (Location 4410)

With all the power that metaphors wield over our lives, the scary part is that most of us have never consciously selected the metaphors with which we represent things to ourselves. (Location 4552)

“Life has its seasons, (Location 4668)

If the message your emotions are trying to deliver is ignored, the emotions simply increase their amperage; they intensify until you finally pay attention. (Location 4789)

“your past does not equal your future”! (Location 4808)

Action Signals trying to guide you to the promise of a greater quality of life. (Location 4816)

Realize that the emotions you are feeling at this very moment are a gift, a guideline, a support system, a call to action. If you suppress your emotions and try to drive them out of your life, or if you magnify them and allow them to take over everything, then you’re squandering one of life’s most precious resources. (Location 4819)

that you can feel any way you choose at any moment in time. (Location 4825)

anyone! You don’t need any special reason to feel good—you can just decide to feel good right now, simply because you’re alive, simply because you want to. (Location 4838)

Note: You can decide to feel good now

Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions, (Location 4880)

Getting curious helps you master your emotion, solve the challenge, and prevent the same problem from occurring in the future. (Location 4886)

Here are four questions to ask yourself to become curious about your emotions: What do I really want to feel? What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I’ve been feeling? What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now? What can I learn from this? (Location 4891)

Tags: questions to ask

The quickest, simplest, and most powerful way I know to handle any emotion is to remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and realize that you’ve successfully handled this emotion before. (Location 4897)

Tags: emotions

Remember, the best time to handle an emotion is when you first begin to feel it. It’s much more difficult to interrupt an emotional pattern once it’s full-blown. My philosophy is, “Kill the monster while it’s little.” (Location 4927)

You and I need to remember that our imagination can make things ten times more intense than anything we could ever experience in real life. (Location 4951)

“The threat of attack is greater than the attack itself.” (Location 4952)

Fear is simply the anticipation that something that’s going to happen soon needs to be prepared for. (Location 4957)

antidote to fear: you must make a decision to have faith, (Location 4965)

Ask yourself, “Is there really loss here? Or am I judging this situation too soon, or too harshly?” (Location 4976)

A third solution that can help you get out of a sense of hurt is to elegantly and appropriately communicate your feeling of loss to the person involved. (Location 4977)

if you’re angry, change your perception—maybe this person really didn’t know your rules. (Location 4993)

FRUSTRATION. (Location 4997)

Realize that frustration is your friend, and brainstorm new ways to get a result. How can you flex your approach? (Location 5005)

Immediately figure out something you can learn from this situation that could help you in the future to achieve the very thing you were after in the first place. (Location 5016)

cultivating an attitude of positive expectancy about what will happen in the future, regardless of what has occurred in the past. (Location 5025)

Guilt tells you that you have violated one of your own highest standards, and that you must do something immediately to ensure that you’re not going to violate that standard again in the future. (Location 5030)

It’s designed, again, to drive us to action to create a change. (Location 5036)

INADEQUACY. (Location 5048)

The message is that you don’t presently have a level of skill necessary for the task at hand. It’s telling you that you need more information, understanding, strategies, tools or confidence. (Location 5051)

The message of being overwhelmed is that you need to reevaluate what’s most important to you in this situation. (Location 5073)

Decide, out of all the things you’re dealing with in your life, what the absolute, most important thing is for you to focus on. (Location 5077)

Tags: focus

CURIOSITY. If you really want to grow in your life, learn to be as curious as a child. (Location 5125)

Tags: curious

Passion is unbridled power to move our lives forward at a faster tempo than ever before. (Location 5130)

The reed that bends will survive the windstorm, while the mighty oak tree will crack. (Location 5153)

Tags: quotes

Cheerfulness enhances your self-esteem, makes life more fun, and makes the people around you feel happier as well. (Location 5168)

You’ve achieved cheerfulness the day you realize that no matter what’s happening around you, being anything other than cheerful will not make it better. (Location 5169)

So realize that a sense of vitality is a critical emotion to cultivate in order to handle virtually any emotions that come up in your life, (Location 5187)

“The secret to living is giving.” (Location 5192)


Identify what category it belongs in, and recognize its value in giving you the message that you need. Discover whether what needs to be changed are your perceptions or your actions. Get confident, get certain, and get excited. (Location 5227)

What I hope you’ll take from this chapter is an appreciation of all your emotions and a sense of excitement that they’re all providing you with a chance to learn something to make your life better, literally at a moment’s notice. (Location 5237)


it. Our brains also love to guide us in pursuing anything that can lead to the creation of pleasure. We all have goals. The problem, as I’ve stressed in virtually every chapter so far, is that we are unconscious in our use of these resources. (Location 5283)

in short, they are caught up in the trap of making a living rather than designing a life. (Location 5285)

If we don’t consciously plant the seeds we want in the gardens of our minds, we’ll end up with weeds! (Location 5287)

If we want to discover the unlimited possibilities within us, we must find a goal big enough and grand enough to challenge us to push beyond our limits and discover our true potential. (Location 5289)

We all must discover or create a Magnificent Obsession. (Location 5291)

When we first set large goals, they may seem impossible to achieve. But the most important key to goal setting is to find a goal big enough to inspire you, something that will cause you to unleash your power. (Location 5293)

Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible—the foundation for all success in life. (Location 5315)

All goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, and massive and consistent action toward its fulfillment. (Location 5333)

When you set a goal, you’ve committed to CANI! You’ve acknowledged the need that all human beings have for constant, never-ending improvement. (Location 5457)

It’s not just getting a goal that matters, but the quality of life you experience along the way. (Location 5522)

Instead of measuring your success and failure in life by your ability to achieve an individualized and specific goal, remember that the direction we’re heading is more important than individual results. (Location 5527)

future. Sometimes we need to trust that our disappointments may truly be opportunities in disguise. (Location 5560)

No one ever achieved a goal by being interested in its achievement. One must be committed. (Location 5563)

Reticular Activating System. It sounds complex, and undoubtedly the actual process is, but the function of your RAS is simple and profound: it determines what you will notice and what you will pay attention to. It is the screening device of your mind. (Location 5606)

Thus your RAS is directly responsible for how much of reality you consciously experience. (Location 5610)

What specific action could I take today that would lead me on that road to the destiny of my choice? (Location 5631)

We’ll be covering four areas: 1) Personal development goals, 2) Career/business/economic goals, 3) Toys/adventure goals, and 4) Contribution goals. (Location 5642)

what would I want for my life if I knew I could have it any way I wanted it? What would I go for if I knew I could not fail? (Location 5646)

Having a powerful enough why will provide you with the necessary how. (Location 5795)

Make sure that you look at these four goals daily. (Location 5796)

Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. (Location 5819)

Tags: goals

Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it’s who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment. (Location 5820)

Tags: challenges, goals, happiness

But the most important thing you can do to achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, you immediately begin to create momentum. (Location 5836)

Tags: goals

The most important rules that I ever adopted to help me in achieving my goals were those I learned from a very successful man who taught me to first write down the goal, and then to never leave the site of setting a goal without first taking some form of positive action toward its attainment. (Location 5838)

Tags: action

Note: Take immediate action to get closer to the goal

How do people achieve their heart’s desire and still feel the excitement and passion that come from aiming toward a goal? As they approach what they’ve pursued for so long, they immediately establish a new set of compelling goals. (Location 5869)

First, get your list of your top four one-year goals. Second, get clear on the “why.” Third, develop the ritual of reviewing your goals and rehearsing the joy of their achievement daily for ten days. Fourth, surround yourself with role models and those who can help you develop a plan that will guide you in making it all real. (Location 5910)

Note: Outline your goals and review regularly

The mark of a champion is consistency—and true consistency is established by our habits. (Location 5920)

The true value to an individual of any new strategy or skill is in direct proportion to the frequency of its use. (Location 5925)

Note: You need to use new skills in order for them to be of value

As I’ve said so many times, knowing what to do is not enough: you must do what you know. (Location 5925)

Tags: pres, execution

Note: You must do what you know

They keep you vigorous, they keep you strong, they keep you vigilant in noticing what needs to be done to keep the garden of your life healthy and rich. (Location 5956)

We have to be able to notice when we start to have a negative pattern—not beat ourselves up about it, and not dwell on it—but simply break the patterns as quickly as we discover them, and replace them with the new seeds of mental, emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, and professional success. (Location 5958)

truly use what you’ve learned to take immediate control of your mind, body, emotions, finances, and relationships? (Location 5964)

Remember, our goal is not to ignore the problems of life, but to put ourselves in better mental and emotional states where we can not only come up with solutions, but act upon them. (Location 5996)

Most important, don’t sweat the small stuff… and remember, it’s all small stuff! (Location 6005)

Tags: worrying

Note: Everything in life is small

All too often, the security of a mediocre present is more comfortable than the adventure of trying to be more in the future. (Location 6073)

Tags: push limits

The first element that affects all of your evaluations is the mental and emotional state you’re in while you’re making an evaluation. (Location 6215)

The second building block of our Master System is the questions we (Location 6223)

“I am the source of all my emotions. Nothing and no one can change how I feel except me. If I find myself in reaction to anything, I can change it in a moment.” (Location 6308)

Courage, loyalty, love, commitment, and determination are all values that give him an exceptional capacity to care and a strength of will that is legendary. (Location 6423)

We must remember that all decision making comes down to values clarification. (Location 6448)

When you know what’s most important to you, making a decision is quite simple. (Location 6449)

IBM is an example of a corporation whose direction and destiny was set up by its founder, Tom Watson. (Location 6488)

many people know what they want to have, but have no idea of who they want to be. (Location 6496)

So often people are too busy pursuing means values that they don’t achieve their true desire: their ends values. (Location 6550)

The relative levels of pain we associate with certain emotions will affect all of our decisions. (Location 6712)

“What do my values need to be in order to create my ultimate destiny, in order to be the best person I could possibly be, in order to have the largest impact in my lifetime?” (Location 6817)

I also then began to realize that there were certain emotional states that I must avoid indulging in if I was going to succeed. One of those clearly was worry. (Location 6867)

Note: It is necessary to avoid worry in order to achieve success

Step 1. Find out what your current values are, and rank them in order of importance. (Location 6880)

“We are what we repeatedly do.” —ARISTOTLE (Location 6923)

“Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you.” —HENRY WARD BEECHER (Location 6942)

For most of us, our rules for what’s valuable dictate that we covet things that are scarce, instead of appreciating the miracles that abound. What determined the differences in these people’s responses, (Location 6991)

The truth is that nothing has to happen in order for you to feel good. (Location 7003)

as long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent upon something we cannot control, then we will experience pain. (Location 7012)

I redesigned my rules so that when I feel pain and when I feel pleasure is whenever I feel it’s appropriate based on my capacity to direct my own mind, body, and emotions. (Location 7014)

Most of us have created numerous ways to feel bad, and only a few ways to truly feel good. (Location 7087)

My rule for confidence is, “If I decide to be confident, then I’ll feel that way toward anything, and my confidence will help me succeed.” (Location 7136)

As I’ve mentioned before, it quickly became clear to me that the majority of people are wired for pain. Their rules make it very, very difficult to feel good, and very easy to feel bad. (Location 7147)

How do we know if a rule empowers or disempowers us? There are three primary criteria: (Location 7165)

It’s a disempowering rule if it’s impossible to meet. (Location 7166)

A rule is disempowering if something that you can’t control determines whether your rule has been met or not. (Location 7168)

A rule is disempowering if it gives you only a few ways to feel good and lots of ways to feel (Location 7171)

All we have to do to make our lives work is set up a system of evaluating that includes rules that are achievable, that make it easy to feel good and hard to feel bad, that constantly pull us in the direction we want to (Location 7205)

control. You and I need to remember that our self-esteem is tied to our ability to feel like we’re in control of the events in our environment. (Location 7224)

At the base of every emotional upset you’ve ever had with another human being is a rules upset. Somebody did something, or failed to do something, that violated one of your beliefs about what they must or should do. (Location 7265)

So if you ever feel angry or upset with someone, remember, it’s your rules that are upsetting you, not their behavior. (Location 7284)

“Am I reacting to this, or am I responding to the situation intelligently?” (Location 7286)

The best way to deal with this is to remember that your rules are not based on reality. They’re purely arbitrary. Just because you’ve used them and feel strongly about them doesn’t mean they’re the best rules or the right rules. Rules should be designed to empower our relationships, not destroy them. Any time a rule gets in the way, the question we need to ask ourselves is, “What’s more important? My relationship or my rules?” (Location 7323)

make sure you discover the rules they have for a relationship up front, and communicate yours as well. Don’t expect people to live by your rules if you don’t clearly communicate what they are. (Location 7335)

It’s so important to communicate your rules for any situation in life, whether it’s love, friendship, or business. (Location 7357)

Tags: communication

Note: Always communicate your rules and what you expect

Never assume when it comes to rules. Communicate. (Location 7360)

“What is the most important thing you’ve learned for maintaining sanity?” The one message that was echoed repeatedly was: Don’t have too many rules. (Location 7375)

High self-esteem comes from feeling like you have control over events, not that events have control over you. (Location 7385)

never.” It’s necessary not only to understand what kinds of rules your partner has, but also to keep in mind that both “must” and “should” rules are appropriate. (Location 7392)

What does it take for you to feel successful? 2. What does it take for you to feel loved—by your kids, by your spouse, by your parents, and by whoever else is important to you? 3. What does it take for you to feel confident? 4. What does it take for you to feel you are excellent in any area of your life? (Location 7416)

Now look at these rules and ask yourself, “Are they appropriate? Have I made it really hard to feel good and easy to feel bad?” (Location 7419)

Come up with tons of ways to satisfy your rules for feeling love; make it incredibly easy to experience that pleasure, and make sure to include plenty of criteria that are under your sole control, so you don’t have to depend on anyone or anything else to feel good. (Location 7430)

Tags: love

Note: Have many ways to feel loved!

Remember, the most empowering rule is to enjoy yourself no matter what happens. (Location 7441)

“Man’s mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.” —OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES (Location 7446)

There is no doubt that a person who has experienced and triumphed over tremendous adversity clearly has strong references from which to build a consistent level of confidence—a belief or faith in themselves and in others, and the capacity to overcome challenges. (Location 7482)

Tags: challenges

The larger the number and greater the quality of our references, the greater our potential level of choices. A larger number and greater quality of references enables us to more effectively evaluate what things mean and what we can (Location 7484)

Once again, it’s not our references, but our interpretations of them, the way we organize them—that clearly determine our beliefs. (Location 7512)

References are all the experiences of your life that you’ve recorded within your nervous system—everything you’ve ever seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled—stored away inside the giant file cabinet of your brain. (Location 7518)

Tags: brain, references

a belief is nothing but a feeling of certainty about what something means. (Location 7524)

The key is to expand the references that are available within your life. Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense of who you are and what you’re capable of, as well as organize your references in empowering ways. (Location 7529)

Note: Always seek out new experiences and references

One important measure of a person’s intelligence is the way in which they use their fabric of references. (Location 7542)

How do you use your references? Do you consciously interpret them in ways that empower you, in ways that support the achievement of your goals? (Location 7550)

The way we use our references will determine how we feel, because whether something is good or bad is all based on what you’re comparing it to. (Location 7553)

You want to learn from your past, not live in it—focus on the things that empower you. (Location 7593)


The power of reading a great book is that you start thinking like the author. (Location 7606)

there are no bad experiences, that no matter what I go through in life—whether it’s a challenging experience or a pleasurable one—every experience provides me something of value if I look for (Location 7616)

repetition truly is the mother of skill. (Location 7622)

Could it be possible that what seem like the worst days in our lives are actually the most powerful in terms of the lessons we can choose to learn from them? (Location 7676)

loss is imaginary. Nothing ever disappears in the universe; it only changes form. (Location 7689)

Limited references create a limited life. If you want to expand your life, you must expand your references by pursuing ideas and experiences that wouldn’t be a part of your life if you didn’t consciously seek them out. (Location 7692)

Tags: favorite, travel

Note: Limited references limit your life. Seek new experiences to expand your references

leaders are readers. (Location 7722)

Expand your references, and you’ll immediately expand your life. (Location 7754)

Note: Always look to expand your references

You may have read the book Pygmalion in the Classroom, which details the dramatic change in students’ performance when they become convinced that they are gifted. (Location 7837)

We all will act consistently with our views of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not. The reason is that one of the strongest forces in the human organism is the need for consistency. (Location 7853)

we all have a need for a sense of certainty. Most people have tremendous fear of the unknown. Uncertainty implies the potential of having pain strike (Location 7880)

As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity. (Location 7892)

Often, what I find is that when you ask someone a question, especially an emotional one, they won’t answer you until they’ve answered two questions of their own. (Location 8039)

while most people have to establish competence before they feel confident, I decide to feel confident, and that provides the sense of certainty to persist until I am competent. (Location 8148)

Tags: confidence

That’s why my identity is not limited by my past references. (Location 8149)

If you change any one of the five areas of the system, your whole life will change. A change in your habitual questions alone will change your focus and change your life. Making shifts in your values hierarchies will immediately change the direction of your life. Cultivating powerful, resourceful states in your physiology will change the way you think and the way you feel. This alone could change your identity. So could changing some of your global beliefs. Pursuing additional references will provide the raw materials for assembling a new experience of who you are. And certainly, deciding to expand your identity could transform virtually everything. (Location 8200)

Throughout this book, we’ve continually studied the mastery of emotion, and you’ve developed a broad spectrum of tools to powerfully and rapidly change any emotion you desire. (Location 8222)

Today’s Assignment: 1. Write down all the emotions that you experience in an average week. 2. List the events or situations you use to trigger these emotions. 3. Come up with an antidote for each negative emotion, and employ one of the appropriate tools for responding to the Action Signal. Do you need to change the words you use to describe this experience? Do you need to change what you believe about this emotional state? Do you need to ask yourself a new question? Be sure to consistently focus on solutions instead of problems. (Location 8242)

Traditionally, the formula for maximum heart rate is 220 minus your age. For a thirty-year-old, this would mean aiming for a heart rate of 190. (Location 8327)

If you don’t know the values and rules of the people with whom you share a relationship, you should prepare for pain. (Location 8466)

Tags: relationships

Note: Know the values and rules of those important to you

People can love each other, but if for whatever reason they consistently break the rules of someone they care about, there are going to be upsets and stress in this relationship. (Location 8466)

Remember, every upset you’ve ever had with another human being has been a rules upset, and when people become intimately involved, it’s inevitable that some of their rules will clash. By knowing a person’s rules, you can head off these challenges in advance. (Location 8468)

Note: Knowing someone else's rules can help avoid upset

In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. (Location 8471)

Tags: relationships

What’s the key to preventing these “Four R’s”? The answer is simple: communicate clearly up front. Make sure your rules are known and can be met. To avoid blowing things out of proportion, use Transformational Vocabulary. (Location 8491)

A corollary to this principle is that if you want your relationship to last, never, never, never, ever, ever threaten the relationship itself. In other words, don’t ever say, “If you do that, then I’m leaving.” Just making this statement alone creates the possibility. It also induces a destabilizing fear in both partners. Every couple that I’ve ever interviewed with a lasting relationship has made it their rule, no matter how angry or hurt they felt, never to question whether or not the relationship would last and never to threaten to leave (Location 8503)

You and I know, intellectually, that money is merely a medium of exchange. It allows us to simplify the process of creating, transferring, and sharing value within a society. (Location 8540)

The second most common reason why so many people never master money is simply that they think it’s too complex. (Location 8573)

we all must be trained to understand the consequences of our financial decisions. (Location 8575)

“Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think.” (Location 8708)

There’s only one way to maintain your wealth, and that is simply this: spend less than you earn, and invest the difference. (Location 8729)

Tags: wealth

The only possible way to build wealth is to pick a specific percentage of your income that you will invest each year up front. Now, many people know this; we’ve all heard about the virtues of saving a minimum of 10 percent and investing it. But very few people do it—and, interestingly enough, very few people are wealthy! The best way to insure that you’ll be able to maintain your wealth is to have 10 percent taken out of your paycheck and invested before you even see it. (Location 8736)

But don’t develop a budget; develop a spending plan. How’s that for Transformational Vocabulary? (Location 8740)

money is not the end; it’s only a means. (Location 8813)

Tags: money

True wealth is an emotion: it’s a sense of absolute abundance. (Location 8826)

Ben Franklin’s autobiography (Location 8861)

OPTIMISTS’ CLUB CREED Promise yourself… To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something of value in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit presence of trouble. (Location 8898)

Tags: optimism

JOHN WOODEN’S SEVEN-POINT CREED: “MAKING THE MOST OF ONESELF” 1. Be true to yourself. 2. Make each day your masterpiece. 3. Help others. 4. Drink deeply from good books. 5. Make friendship a fine art. 6. Build a shelter against a rainy day. 7. Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day. (Location 8908)

The most powerful way I’ve learned to compress time is to learn through other people’s experience. We can never truly master time as long as our primary strategy for learning and mastering our world is based upon trial and error. Modeling those who’ve already succeeded can save you years of pain. This is why I’m a voracious reader and a committed student of tapes and seminars. (Location 8981)

you have the power right now to control how you think, how you feel, and what you (Location 9052)

that it is the small decisions you and I make every day that create our destinies. (Location 9061)

the one thing we have absolute control over is our internal world—we decide what things mean and what to do about them—and (Location 9091)

With our actions, we communicate our most deeply held values and beliefs, (Location 9094)

surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character. (Location 9108)

Mother Teresa’s “defining moment” had transpired: the moment when she decided that this would never happen again to anyone within her reach. (Location 9122)

If we held the great heroes of our past to the same unbending criteria by which we judge our present-day heroes, we wouldn’t have any heroes! (Location 9137)

Tags: heroes

Most important, we must teach our children the consequences of their actions. (Location 9363)

Tags: parenting

watchword. Strive for balance rather than perfection. (Location 9485)

Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process! (Location 9508)

Tags: life

longer. I don’t know about you, but I believe that what’s most important is not how long we live, but how we live. I’d rather wear out than rust out! Let’s have the end find us climbing a new mountain. (Location 9526)

Tags: mortality