The way to develop self-confidence, he said, is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you (Location 1217)
—courses designed to train adults, by actual experience, to think on their feet and express their ideas with more clarity, more effectiveness and more poise, both in business interviews and before groups (Location 1427)
These investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-to personality and the ability to lead people. (Location 1485)
Tags: leadership
But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people-that person is headed for higher earning power (Location 1529)
We read their biographies, We read the life stories of all great leaders from Julius Caesar to Thomas Edison. I recall that we read over one hundred biographies of Theodore Roosevelt alone. (Location 1675)
What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people. (Location 2046)
Say to yourself over and over: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people (Location 2065)
. Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application. There is no other way (Location 2169)
Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind (Location 2194)
: “I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence (Location 2674)
that ninety- nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may (Location 2692)
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment. (Location 2699)
Note: Do not criticise, it does not help
Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean (Location 3407)
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity (Location 3478)
Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “. . and speak all the good I know of everybody.” Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do (Location 3499)
“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men (Location 3520)
Why should you and I? PRINCIPLE 1—Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. (Location 3826)
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. (Location 3837)
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. (Location 3898)
William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated (Location 3957)
consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. (Location 4452)
“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work (Location 4461)
So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. (Location 4469)
When Alfred Lunt, one of the great actors of his time, played the leading role in Reunion in Vienna, he said, “There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem (Location 4724)
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned (Location 4843)
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit. (Location 4977)
Tags: gratitude
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I learn of him.” (Location 5033)
Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you have forgotten them. (Location 5059)
bait the hook to suit the fish (Location 5183)
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. (Location 5196)
Tags: influence
First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way (Location 5311)
Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own (Location 5632)
To repeat Professor Overstreet’s wise advice: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way. (Location 5808)
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE PRINCIPLE 1—Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. PRINCIPLE 2—Give honest and sincere appreciation. PRINCIPLE 3—Arouse in the other person an eager want. (Location 5850)
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. (Location 5868)
Tags: favorite
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” (Location 6035)
Tags: smile
“People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.” (Location 6048)
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.” (Location 6099)
Abe Lincoln once remarked that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” (Location 6100)
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. (Location 6114)
Tags: favorite
Note: Be happy and enthusiastic in your encounters with others
PRINCIPLE 2—Smile. (Location 6137)
Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. (Location 6166)
Tags: names
His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” (Location 6242)
Tags: names
During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. (Location 6244)
PRINCIPLE 3—Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. (Location 6259)
“few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.” (Location 6281)
“There is no mystery about successful business intercourse. . . . Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.” (Location 6287)
He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself. That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend. (Location 6375)
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. (Location 6388)
Tags: listen
PRINCIPLE 4—Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. (Location 6393)
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he satup late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. (Location 6397)
For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most. (Location 6399)
Tags: conversation
Note: Talk to others about what interests them most
PRINCIPLE 5—Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. (Location 6452)
“hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise.” (Location 6484)
Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to ----?” “Won’t you please?” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”—little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding. (Location 6499)
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. (Location 6524)
Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. (Location 6646)
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. (Location 6648)
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will. (Location 6668)
Here lies the body of William Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way. He was right, dead right, as he sped along, But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong. (Location 6671)
Tags: newsletter, favorite
Buddha said: “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunder- standing is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint. (Location 6688)
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.” (Location 6693)
Distrust your first instinctive impression. (Location 6697)
Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best. (Location 6698)
Tags: reacting
Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree. (Location 6702)
Tags: disagreement
“My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen—because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.” (Location 6714)
PRINCIPLE 1—The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. (Location 6716)
Tags: conflict, quotes
Note: Avoid arguments
Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot. (Location 6733)
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself. (Location 6734)
Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so. (Location 6735)
There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” (Location 6740)
We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts. (Location 6765)
Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person. (Location 6779)
read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography—one of the most fascinating life stories ever written, one of the classics of American literature. (Location 6793)
Tags: toread
“I made it a rule,” said Franklin, “to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own, I even forbade myself the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as ‘certainly,’ ‘undoubtedly,’ etc., and I adopted, instead of them, ‘I conceive,’ ‘I apprehend,’ or ‘I imagine’ a thing to be so or so, or ‘it so appears to me at present.’ (Location 6802)
PRINCIPLE 2—Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You're wrong.” (Location 6873)
That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance; so when I began to condemn myself, the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy. (Location 6896)
Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes. (Location 6933)
PRINCIPLE 3—If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. (Location 6980)
Remember what Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” PRINCIPLE 4—Begin in a friendly way. (Location 7099)
In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree. (Location 7102)
Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. (Location 7104)
When you have said “No,” all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. (Location 7106)
The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old wisdom of the Orient: “He who treads softly goes far.” (Location 7177)
PRINCIPLE 5—Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. (Location 7179)
PRINCIPLE 6—Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. (Location 7246)
Tags: listen
PRINCIPLE 7—Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. (Location 7320)
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality (Location 7324)
PRINCIPLE 8—Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. (Location 7390)
Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” (Location 7392)
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. (Location 7402)
PRINCIPLE 9- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. (Location 7496)
J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. (Location 7504)
in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives. (Location 7507)
PRINCIPLE 10—Appeal to the nobler motives. (Location 7569)
PRINCIPLE 11—Dramatize your ideas. (Location 7627)
Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: “The way to get things done,” say Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” (Location 7644)
That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self- expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. (Location 7670)
In a Nutshell WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING PRINCIPLE 1—The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE 2—Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” PRINCIPLE 3—If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE 4—Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE 5—Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. PRINCIPLE 6—Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE 7—Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. PRINCIPLE 8—Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. PRINCIPLE 9—Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. PRINCIPLE 10—Appeal to the nobler motives. PRINCIPLE 11—Dramatize your ideas. PRINCIPLE 12—Throw down a challenge. (Location 7672)
PRINCIPLE 1—Begin with praise and honest appreciation. (Location 7759)
An effective way to correct others’ mistakes is . . . PRINCIPLE 2—Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. (Location 7812)
He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. (Location 7885)
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. (Location 7897)
Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of (Location 7916)
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. (Location 7952)
have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” A real leader will always follow . . . PRINCIPLE 5—Let the other person save face. (Location 7954)
Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery. (Location 8013)
Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life. (Location 8015)
Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use. (Location 8019)
PRINCIPLE 6—Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” (Location 8024)
In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. (Location 8040)
And it might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned. (Location 8042)
If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behavior of others, use . . . PRINCIPLE 7—Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. (Location 8084)
Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. (Location 8098)
Tags: parenting
But use the opposite technique—be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it—and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel. (Location 8099)
Clarence M. Jones, one of the instructors of our course in Cincinnati, Ohio, told how encouragement and making faults seem easy to correct completely changed the life of his son. (Location 8116)
Tags: encouragement, parenting
Note: Make faults seem easy to correct
If you want to help others to improve, remember ... PRINCIPLE 8—Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. (Location 8142)
Tags: parenting, management, communication
The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior: 1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person. 2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. (Location 8190)
In a Nutshell BE A LEADER A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this: PRINCIPLE 1—Begin with praise and honest appreciation. PRINCIPLE 2—Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. PRINCIPLE 3—Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. PRINCIPLE 4—Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. PRINCIPLE 5—Let the other person save face. PRINCIPLE 6—Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” PRINCIPLE 7—Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. PRINCIPLE 8—Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. PRINCIPLE 9—Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. (Location 8208)